Dinosauria
All right, Howie, this post's for you...
A couple weeks ago, my friend Howie commented that my new house needed more dinosaurs. To explain, we had bonded at good ol' 307 over our mutual love for dinosaurs. So, allow me to indulge him in proving that dinosaurs do continue to live in my house. Or, at least, in my imagination.
Behold the prehistoric scene unfolding on my dining table:
Check out the action, as Tyrannosaurus engages Triceratops in a battle to the death. T. rex lunges for Trike's neck, but all he gets is a mouthful of horns. OUCH! He'll be spitting blood tonight...
Hanging behind the battle scene is a rather unfazed Stegosaurus. He's got an armor-plated back and a spiked tail, so he really doesn't give a crap. Moreover, he's quite preoccupied with his romantic pursuits. He thinks he has found true love in the beautiful, blue "Ms. Sutego Zaurusu." Unfortunately, he doesn't realize that she is merely a fossil imprint on a cup imported from Japan. Sorry, Steggy...she's made of glass, you're made of plastic; she speaks Engrish, and you don't speak; it's just not gonna work out.
If we pan now to the left foreground, we see Parasaurolophus, the placid duck-bill dinosaur with a crest on his head. He's happy munching on foliage. Apparently parsley grew to gigantic proportions in prehistoric times, much to the delight of these fine-dining dinosaurs. But herbivores always had to watch out for the similar-looking, but deadly toxic cilantro bushes that littered the landscape of the Cretaceous period. It was the inevitable misfortune of dinosaurs with challenged taste buds to die early deaths because they couldn't detect the bitter poison of this vile, vile plant. We recognize this process as natural selection and move on.
Finally, hiding in between the cups in the background is Brachiosaurus. His long neck and gawky stance brought him endless ridicule all through childhood and have left him feeling like an outcast to this day. And so he mopes around, terribly emo, searching for a soulmate who will "understand" him. Like Steggy, he's also looking for love in all the wrong places. You see, that Buronto Zaurusu that he's flirting with won't be having Brach's kids anytime soon. For one, Buronto is another species. Secondly, he's male.
That's right, folks, you've seen it theorized on bumper stickers and on Facebook.com... Now we have photographic evidence: Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs.
(Thanks for the cups, Auds!)
you are So. Weird.
ReplyDeletei mean, i love you anway. but seriously? such a nerd. :-P
fortunately, i *heart* nerds. i even have a shirt that says so. :)
Now, Lara, by "So. Weird." you mean absolutely witty, creative, and hilarious, right?
ReplyDeleteThanks, I thought so.
Dear Readers,
ReplyDeleteIt has come to our attention that readers have described recent postings as "weird", "strange", or "slightly crazy." The staff at Roots and Wings strives to offer the highest quality postings; however, we do not appreciate such offensive feedback.
These comments are offensive to other readers in their species-ist nature. Roots and Wings is committed to its non-discriminatory policy, and values its dinosaur community tremendously. Other readers should note that while modern dinosaurs are plastic and glass, they have escaped tremendous persecution made in Taiwan and China.
Mockery of their personal lives, which the editorial staff had chosen to so carefully illustrate here, are therefore inappropriate and we will take certain steps on behalf of the community. We are therefore pleased to offer Ms. Lara David the efforts of our legal services department, consisting entirely of expert deinonychuses. Their sharpened talons are merely a professional courtesy, characteristic of the high-quality service you have come to expect from Roots and Wings.
The staff at Roots and Wings will always strive for the sarcasm, cynical humor, and irregular posting schedule that have continued to fulfill your low expectations at high standards. Thank you again for your readership.
Sincerely,
Mr. Rua Sonid
Senior VP of Public and Dinosaur Relations
Roots and Wings, Inc.
What a great post... brought a tear to my eye.
ReplyDeleteLara's right, dude. ;)
ReplyDeleteI can totally hear you narrating this in your Regis Philbin voice...
Great. I ask Howie for a little defense from my fellow dinosaur nerd, and he turns around and makes me sound like an absolute freak on my own blog. Thanks, "Rua Sonid"... >:P
ReplyDeletewtf I dunno what you're talking about. I thought you were rua sonid?
ReplyDeleteDinosaurs rule.
Hahaha... Yes, dinosaurs rule. Well, they used to anyway.
ReplyDeleteI love your post with the photo & descriptions, Bryan, this is so interesting! I have the fourth dinosaur cup, you can see it here: http://morningcabbage.multiply.com/photos/album/10
ReplyDeleteBy the way, is "Buronto Zaurusu" a formal name of a kind of dinosaur? (I don't know anything about dinosaurs) Because when I google it, only 1 result came up, which is your post. Thanks!!
Thanks for your kind comment, Joanne! I actually have the Iguanodon cup, too, but it wasn't as funny as the others, and you'll see why...
ReplyDelete"Buronto Zaurusu," "Sutego Zaurusu," and "Puteranodon" are all basically Japanese misspellings of Brontosaurus, Stegosaurus, and Pteranodon (Iguanodon was the only correct one). And I think "Mircle Island" is supposed to be Miracle Island. These are examples of what has come to be known as Engrish.
Now, regarding Brontosaurus: That used to be the formal name of a dinosaur, until scientists realized it was the same as a previously discovered dinosaur called Apatosaurus. Therefore, the name Brontosaurus was scrapped, and Apatosaurus is now the established formal name.
That was probably more info than you cared for, but thanks for asking! :)
Thanks for your explanations, I'm quite interested indeed. I still think Iguanodon is quite cute, though, haha. But Buronto Zaurusu is the best. ^^
ReplyDelete